I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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