John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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