Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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