Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
