Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
