My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
