Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
