I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Still dying that you shit outside
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
