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he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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