1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
