Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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