I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize