My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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