The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
