my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
