yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There are leaves in my underwear?
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