dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
