he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
