I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
