and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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