STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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