The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
