If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
