have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
