We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
