ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
