Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
