let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
