I wish I could punch you in the face.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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