I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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