mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
