drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
