It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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