I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
