Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
