I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
