I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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