we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
