Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
