Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize