there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
