Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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