1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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