i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
