I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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