if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
