Your face is a jimmy john
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
