Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want nice things and good sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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