they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
