I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
NoShamevember. You game?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize