I'm eating all of the evidence.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
