well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
