Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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