I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
