I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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