I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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