And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She bit a glass in half.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
