I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
