Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
