dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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