don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
