Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
