So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
