doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
