This is not my ceiling
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
