i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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