She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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