Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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