I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
